Grace and Angus “graduated” on Saturday morning. Despite my best attempts at being the worst father in the world ” can’t we just skip the whole thing and go over to Mum’s” I was well and truly thwarted by the wife ” no……we can’t. they have to get the piece of paper or else what have they studied for ?” . *sigh* So off we go to KINDERGARTEN to graduate . Cue : several hours of little kids being herded around in lines, performing ( admittedly cute ) routines and sweaty parents jostling for positions with their ipads and tabs trying to take photos.
So after a few routines all the kids line up and were handed their diplomas and degrees. Lots of photos later and it was almost time to go home thank god. Still one more chapter to go though. The kids we all lined up again and this time the Best in maths/English/most improved” gold medals were given out. Imagine my FUCKING SURPRISE when Grace did not get a medal. I did not give a shit about her not getting some stupid medal but why they fuck would you make an expectant little kid line up only to watch as everyone else gets medals ? I felt my first real episode of parent rage swell inside me as Grace looked at me and said ‘ but daddy ….where is my medal !” and I thought briefly about burning the school down before I got a grip and informed Gracie that the medals were for kids who were NOT getting huge amounts of ice cream after this GAY ceremony.
Anyhow…..she is out of there now and on to bigger schools so blow them.
The real joy of the day came when Angus got up to receive his diploma……( hint : pick the error )