One hour ago I had a vasectomy.
Now I’m lying on my bed feeling like a bee stung me on the ballsack.
Here’s how it went down and if you are squeamish read on at your own risk…
Chris and Robert Jean ( and wives !!) met me at the Marie stopes office in Russian market and with the doctor leading we convoyed down to the clinic in Takmeo. On arrival we walked into a little corner shophouse and were led upstairs and into a front room where groups of women sat around on the floor awaiting their tubal ligation surgeries. It was a bit tatty and I could hear Chris and Robert jean`s alarms going off. The staff were all very nice though and as we cracked jokes ” i hope you have a chainsaw haha ” the doctor gave us the lowdown on what was going to happen. All the women in the room giggled as we squirmed.
As he spoke Chris’ wife started to freak out a bit and Robert Jean went white and started jibbering away in Dutch. Me ? Having backed out once before about 6 months ago I was ready to go. I filled out my consent form and was given a funny little cotton coverall with a tie string to don and with a “farewell lads” I found myself lying on the op table . The little room was very clean and the surgery crew greeted me warmly. As I lay on the bed waiting many thoughts flashed through my mind…mostly of Leakhana and Grace and Angus. I was 90% sure to my wifes 100% that this was the right thing to be doing.
I was told it would take 5 minutes and the doc lifted up my skirt and swabbed my tackle with chilly antiseptic. Next with no warning came the needle straight into my scrot sack. Motherfucker. Actually that wasn’t so bad but next up the doc grabbed my nuts for a while and kind of tweaked them to get a good position or grip or something and that wasn’t so great. Then I could feel him tugging away as he pulled the vas deferens through the little incision and next I could hear snip snip and the whole while it felt like someone had slipped a rubber band around my boys. By now I am tense as a wound spring and am clenching fingers toes and butt cheeks. Pretty sure I left indents in the stainless steel bed. A lovely nurse comes in and holds my hand and starts asking me questions in Khmer which I try to answer but all I can think of is why is it taking longer than 5 minutes and JESUS H TITTY FUCKING
CHRIST THIS HURTS !! Eventually the doctor says ..I shit you not..”you have thick balls…it’s taking a bit longer”. He just confirmed what I knew all along .
So after about 15 mins it’s all over and I finally relax and let go of all the nervous energy. I am told not to shower for a few days and to use contraception for 3 months as I still have some live ammo in the clip. Apparently the op went fine so I’ll cross my fingers and hope my nuts don’t blow up like rockmelons.
Robert Jean went in after me and Chris….well Chris bailed out. He’s alot younger than me so he and aya can think a bit more. As I drove home on my own I fealt a real sense of calm and ease about everything. I have two gorgeous kids and we are lucky to have a boy and a girl. It’s Grace`a birthday tomorrow and it’ll be special. She’s my one and only daughter !
All juice and no seed.