ISO ISO ISO want this to end

FARRRRRRRRRRRRK

So I am taking the company through ISO9001;2008 accreditation and I can tell you, if i was not tapped out on all fronts from everything else I have been doing at work…..I am now. I have engaged some consultants out of Vietnam to do the initial audit /training to prepare us for a further audit and then….hopefully…..certification. So what the hell is ISO ? I hear you asking……basically….it is the creation of a Quality Management System ( QMS ) that assists your organization to improve the way it delivers its products and or services to your customers.That’s the theory anyways.

QMS ? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......where to start?

The reality is that ISO requires you to create a document for every process that occurs in your business cycle. For example when I take a dump at 8am every morning in my executive en-suite , I need to have a document in the QMS that outlines the input that went into creating the heinous process ( lots of food ) and then a record of what the actual output is ( a god awful smell that then permeates the entire office and skid marks that need a gurney gun to eradicate). Gross I know but you get the picture. We have had a solid week of training and I can tell you IAMSOOVERISO. For god sake…..trees are dying and creating paperwork for the sake of paperwork seems pointless to me. Not only that……one of the consultants that has been over is a Vietnamese chap by the name of Tuan and he has the most extraordinary accent and speech afflictions. One part Vietnamese, one part German, one part god knows what….it is VERY hard to understand much of what he is saying.

So they bugger off today and then I am left as the ISO Representative – everything has to be authored in English and everyone else here is busy enough as it is. All i have to do now is compile a QMS Manual from scratch. I mean…now hard can that be right ?

Struth mate.


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2 Responses to ISO ISO ISO want this to end

  1. LaudJohn says:

    We did it at my last firm in Melbourne. Hired a consultant but most of the work on the processes’ was done by a colleague. It took him months and months and months of full time work. So good luck with it. The sorry thing is, once in place it will be ignored..

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