Yesterday was a beautiful day here in Phnom Penh. After cycling up to the markets for some fresh pineapple,bananas, baguettes and rice with chicken for the wife, we enjoyed a leisurely breakfast in the garden of cornflakes,fruit and juice all washed down with some lovely jasmine tea . I then dropped Leakhana and Grace over at Tammy’s house for some play time and thought it might be nice to head up to the river front and just sit under a tree somewhere and watch the world go by. Sundays are great here in Phnom Penh. There is very little traffic and the pace is very slow.
So I pulled up opposit the park on the riverfront just up near the new tourist office and unloaded Karma from the truck. There was a guy selling sugar cane juice right there so I grabbed a nice icy cup and crossed over the road to the park. A quick survey revealed the promenade was completely deserted of people so I found a nice tree throwing out a big pool of shade, kicked off my flip flops and sat down. I let Karma off the leash and she flopped down next to me and with a nice breeze blowing off the river, it really was a lovely time of the day.
*insert sound of needle being ripped across a record*
No sooner had I sat down than a shrill whistle started blowing. I thought “that’s odd – maybe the parking police are out ?” so I scanned around and I quickly noticed a jackbooted female security marching towards me from about 150m away waving her hands wildly and blowing so hard on her whistle she was in danger of hyper ventilating ans passing out. I watched with amusement as she stormed up to me and started spitting “YOU ! NO ! ” whilst indicating I should immediately remove myself from the lawn. “YOU ! NO ! ” . I smiled at her feigning ignorance whilst all the while knowing that Phnom Penh municipality in all its retarded wisdom has spent millions of OPM improving parks and lawns only to dictate that the people are not allowed to actually enjoy them.
So this horrid little woman ( butt ugly and clearly enjoying her imagined authority ) positioned herself right in front of Karma and I effectively blocking views of the river. She just stood there shouting “YOU ! NO ! ” and at first I did not even want to let on that I spoke Khmer but sensing she was not going away, I started with a gentle ” I am just enjoying the park, will finish my drink and then I will be on my way” . To which she screwed up her pug-like face and..yes….”YOU ! NO ! “. So now I start wishing that Karma was Shutzhund trained and able to rip this bitches throat out. She is now actually trying to call other security guards over and her bra is well and truly twisted up tight. I am sipping on my sugar cane juice calmly but as you can all imagine….my ire started to rise. This twat was just not going to go away and sorry but her customer service skills were shithouse. No smile, no please etc and remember…there are NO other people around, Karma is behaving and I am simply having a god damned juice ! So finally I can stand this no more and I let rip with a ” What the fuck is your problem ? This park was paid for by barangs and is for the people . I am not causing a problem so FUCK OFF and get a policeman if you want to take this further….”. She looks absolutely horrified and snorts a final whimpering “YOU ! NO ! ” before skulking off and I giver the one finger salute. Have a nice day BITCH.
I finish my drink and then head over to the Tourism Office where I ask to speak to the Tourism Officer. I get some dopey young guy who speaks good English so I ask him why I cannot sit on the lawn ? ” Because you will damage it” is his piss poor response. I ask him how I will damage the lawn by simply sitting on it and he gives me a stupid little smirk and starts looking into the trees like Raymond from The Rain Maker. By now my Sunday morning has been ruined so I leave and I notice the Feminazi is walking back towards me so I take Karma on a short leash and give her the “alert” command which puts her into the ears up / pressure-on-leash stance and I walk straight towards the bitch. She decides she should probably change course and walk off in another direction and I head off for the car with smirk on my face.
And here is a nice side shot I got of Karma ;