I am now 100% complete Westssside Wigga. I live in Toul Tom Pong and I work in Toul Kork. I doubt I will ever see the river again but no dramas there as I rarely make it east of  Three Rivers Pub anyway and Murray’s “DIY” bar on top of his building behind Russian Hospital serves me well and has the best sunset in town. I’ll leave the river for yuppy latte drinking bankers, hostess bar prowling English teachers and scuzzy backpacker types. West-side is where the real work gets done and where the real men are.

Anyhoooo…..every morning and afternoon now I have to cross a super gnarly intersection where 271 and 217 meet. These are two huge and choked arterials and it is all out war as you head in to the melee. Actually if you happen to hit it just after a light change when everyone has moved on it is a piece of cake but if you arrive as everyone is lining up on the grid and shuffling for position then its mayhem on a grand scale. There are cops on every corner pulling over freshy kidz on scooters which only makes things worse. There are also freshy kidz coming down the wrong side of the concrete barriers which presents some challenges and also the opportunity to play a game I call “squash the freshy kid against the concrete barrier”. It’s very simple to play. When I see one of these dumb  little shits coming along the barrier towards me I simply move over as close as I can to the knee high concrete barrier and watch with glee as the offender’s eyes open up like dinner plates. I can almost hear them thinking “Holy crap, this Barang is going to kill me ! Should I dive over the barrier or cut in front of him and risk being hit by a car on his outer side….”. I almost always win this game.

I win.

Then there are the “My SUV is bigger than you so I am going to be an arsehole and push in” Khmer drivers ( of both sexes). This morning I was alert and ready having slept well and I had Linkin Park on at volume 8 so was in the right frame of mind. As I waited to got straight ahead at the lights a guy in a 4×4 Toyota Vigo ( similar to a Hilux) tried to use the left turn lane to get in front of me and there were a few terse seconds before I looked over at him and yelled loud enough for him to hear “FUCK OFF ARSEHOLE”. This had two effects. Firstly it stopped him in his tracks and allowed me to go on  my merry way but secondly…I think it  then pissed him off ( Did he just tell me to fuck off ?)  because he came charging after me and as we headed through the chicanes he overtook me once, I overtook him again and then he finally thought he had won as I slowed to turn into my depot. Bare in mind that while all this is going on there are commuters on scooters, kids on bikes, kids crossing the road, tuk tuks, lorries of all shapes and sizes all around us.

Right now I am running an average time of around 8 mins to cover the 2.5km to get to work and 3 of those are stationary waiting minutes. Stay tuned for more tales from the front……………